its my fate

~~~~~as i looked through the pages of some of my 'drugh', i felt back the pain like a sword has been push through my heart... .. .. .

so hurt...

so... so... hurt... ... ... .. . . it's my fate...

and it hurt more... because the pages i saw... i knew exactly every corner of that place... and i've been there before.. spending my 24 'miecet' there.. or more than that...

i am so dissappointed... i regretted it so much.. soooooo.. much.. and it is hard to let go.. and i know, it will never.....

looking at the titles and subtitles of each pages... they seems to be having so much fun... bringing back all the view of that place.. which is still fresh in my mind... that makes me bled again.... i never in my life, forget about it even if i wanted to... it's my fate...

a diamond slide through the rugged surface... with the pain it sings... while thinking "will i ever stand in that position ever, will i ever go to places like that again, will i ever succeed in what i persue?"

i know the only medicine is, to get back all those lost years by achieving what i am persuing...

but then i think again "will i be able to achieve it, with no penny in my pockets, no gold to be sold, no wood to be carved??".... i felt the acheing pain again....

it felt so hurt....

it hurt me so much... so badly... can i just shed my diamonds again?....

ohh... i realy spoiled my chance.... it's my fate...

then i think again... "why did i spilled the milk off the glass?? why don't i just drink it, and have the satisfaction in tasting it?? not even i'll get satisfaction, it is healthy too!!!"

i am so stupid.... very foolish... and it hurt...

hurt me so bad...

sooo.. sooo... .. .. . hurting......... it's my fate..

i am not being negative... not being back viewing... but history will never be deleted, even if times faded it away from my age....

i remembered the medicine i mention before... and think... "i must get to it once again, and never lose grip of that glass of milk this time"... i hope a miracle will help me towards it, even if my pocket is penniless... it's my fate....

yesterday, today, tomorrow, till the last breath.. till my encephalon becomes dirt again..... it's my fate...

AND I AM GOING TO CHANGE IT WHATEVER COSTS IT TAKES. THAT IS ALSO MY FATE.......~~~~~~~